In the case of aspergers syndrome, the now well documented cassandra syndrome often comes into play where parties seek help. Articles and books on aspergers syndrome and asd are available in large quantities. Psychoeducation is an important part of sorting out the challenges in an as marriages. A 14step roadmap for couples where one partner might be on the autism spectrum.
What is it like to be married to a man with asperger s syndrome. Reading such personal relationship narratives can help the nt partner by validating her experience and feelings within the marriage. Lessons from an aspergersnt marriage by wordridden via flickr. How long does it take for the average asperger couple to get their marriage back on track. Any successful marriage takes work, but one involving a partner with aspergers presents its own unique set of challenges. Studies show that aspergers syndrome is one of the fastest growing mental health conditions in the united states. Older research seems to think that those with asperger s often tend to be either averse to sex, or lowdrive enough as to make them almost asexual. With or without a diagnosis, however, it can be difficult to manage marriage to a person who has a hard time with social skills, interpersonal communication, empathetic understanding, or flexibility of thought. Issue 3 tending to the marriage dealing with a diagnosis of autism puts a strain on any marriage. Interestingly enough, aspergers affects children and adults in very different ways.
Aspergers is a condition that affects peoples ability to communicate with others. As someone with autism, i can relate very well with him. She hopes one day people will stop spitting at her and instead say hi. Shedding old ways of thinking, being and relating to each other is always.
What is it like to be married to a man with aspergers. If you think you or one of the adults in your life is suffering from aspergers, click here to learn about aspergers in adults and its symptoms. Any successful marriage takes work, but one involving a partner with asperger s presents its own unique set of challenges. Bullied for being different autism special books by. Because every marriage situationperson is different, i didnt treat this book as a handbook for improving my marriage and how to relate to my neurotypical wife, although some of the examples were helpful. It is nice to see a book with someone who has autism, but has a successful career and is married.
John elder robison born august, 1957 is the author of the 2007 memoir look me in the eye, detailing his life with undiagnosed asperger syndrome and savant abilities, and of three other books. Magazine, usa today, cnn, the lifetime tv channel and npr. Being married to a man with asperger syndrome national. Selfcare tips for those married to someone with asperger syndrome. Upwards of 2,000,000 adults are likely to have been diagnosed with this condition, close to a 100% increase in the last decade. Intimacy and romance in ntas relations asperger partner. This website uses cookies to ensure you get the best experience. Help for nt spouses whose partner has aspergershigh. Aspergers syndrome, a husbands perspective a post by mr. This article lists ways to have a happy and fulfilling marriage with someone who is suffering from asperger s syndrome. Lessons from an aspergersnt marriage part 1 musings.
There are many books on as marriage written from the point of view of the nt partner. Marriage difficulties and raising aspergers children having a child with aspergers or highfunctioning autism has the potential to place a great deal of strain on a family and particularly on a couple. Help for nt spouses whose partner has aspergers high functioning autism salve for nt spouses. Many with this condition have difficulty achieving that point in their livesbut obviously finch has his own set of problems. Strategies for aspergers syndrome and marriage if a partner has aspergers either officially diagnosed or selfdiagnosed, both must accept the diagnosis before moving forward.
Asperger syndrome no longer exists as a discrete diagnosis. If the therapist does not understand the unique differences. Ten things i wish everyone knew about autism and romantic. The chapters include segments from both the husband and the wife. My husband was recently diagnosed as having asperger syndrome, a high functioning type of autism. I have failed marriage and two subsequent long term ones with children. Being willing to make lists or even repeat yourself often will help your spouse with add or aspergers to feel accomplished as they are able to do things with clarity and instructions guiding them.
I understand people needs are different, and yours are different from mine, but what youre saying just add to the stigma, it. Otherwise their forgetfulness of lack of attentiveness will become a stumbling block for both of you. He graduated from an ivy league school, but his selfabsorption, social awkwardness and rigid behaviours have affected our marriage with devastating emotional impact. Marriages or other intimate relationships come in all shapes and sizes. It is also, i suspect, a useful selfhelp book, a sharing from.
Aspie writer my wife asked me to write a brief blog post for our anniversary. While temple grandin is diagnosed with autism, rather than asperger s, thinking with pictures is a mustread book for anyone interested in autism spectrum disorders. Chloe is diagnosed with autism and has experienced bullying. She has authored three books and has been interviewed in the new york times, inc.
This book should have been titled how not to have an asperger marriage. Having a successful marriage requires effort, but when one partner has asperger syndrome it poses additional challenges. My husband, nobuo, who is on the spectrum, and i have been married for nearly 17 years and refer to our relationship as a fullspectrum marriage as a way to express the richness and fullness of our shared experience. Many of those who do marry show tensions and problems in their marriage that is really putting it mildly.
Being married to someone with aspergers syndrome is challenging. Selfcare tips for those married to someone with asperger. In the 1970s, he worked as an engineer in the music business where he is best known for creating the signature special effects guitars played by the band kiss. Are you a christian whose spouse has aspergers syndrome. A quick internet search on aspergers marriage will turn up plenty of horror stories.
What are the main characteristics of aspergers syndrome. We go from crises to crises, he is spending 98% of his weekends with his present as his dad has been very unwell. There is so much more to cover about how aspies do marriage, but i want to emphasize that aspies can have lasting, fulfilling marriages, and although some marital strategies may be different than the norm, part of helping the aspie marriage is understanding how aspergers impacts the marriage and which strategies can bring help to the. Is the 90% of people with aspergers dont get married. There are times when the neurotypical partner may feel. Adventures of a freerange aspergian by john elder robison is a treasurefor people on the autism spectrum, their friends, families, teachers, and, maybe, for everyone interested in the different ways people are wired in this world and how that feels from the inside.
No, thats 90% of diagnosed people with autism in general, not just aspergers. Helpful book to understand an asperger marriage, even though the book is very much a personal memoir. If you are in a marriage with someone with asperger syndrome and want that marriage to succeed, you must first learn how to understand your partner. Presentation by emmi of massachusetts family matters. Men and women tend to react to the news differently, according to. Being in a relationship with an undiagnosed asperger or autistic husband can be challenging in some marriages. Keep in mind that 50% or so, i cant remember the exact figure of people with autism also have intellectual disabilities, which plays a big role in not being a good marriage candidate. How do i handle marriage to a spouse with asperger syndrome. Living with a spouse who has aspergers syndrome can be challenging.
Being married to a man with asperger syndrome a moment of realisation i have submitted my story because i found so much reassurance and support from reading other womens accounts of their relationships with a person with asperger syndrome. One of the best things that can happen is for the couple to seek help from a therapist or marriage coach who understands the unique differences between aspergers syndrome individuals and nt individuals. For anyone married to a spouse with add or aspergers. While statistics regarding aspergers syndrome and divorce are sparse, author ashley stanford states in her book asperger syndrome and long term relationships that, preliminary research performed in holland suggests that the divorce rate for couples in which one. Sexual behaviors specific to asperger s syndrome and marriage. As a married adult male who has recently been diagnosed with high functioning autism asperger s i found this to be a very good book. Aspergers syndrome and marriage uncovering intimacy.
Today, people with the symptoms of aspergers receive an autism spectrum diagnosis assuming they choose to seek a diagnosis at all. Ten things i wish everyone knew about autism and romantic relationships. This article is based on reported firsthand experiences from thousands of neurotypical spouses in europe, north america, australia. It also happens to be one of the best autobiographies in recent history. If this is what the typical marriage between an aspie and an nt is like, i am glad that both my husband and i are on the spectrum. Likewise, most people with aspergers have some aversion to being touched. I wouldnt have to explain the difficulties i face on a daily basis and id be less anxious of being dumped purely because i have aspergers. Mental health professionals often exacerbate the partys troubles by falling into the pattern of blaming the acutely distressed neurotypical partner for being an alarmist, for having inappropriate anxiety which feeds. Some people might go so far as to say its impossible. I married an aspie a husbands perspective on aspergers. What everybody ought to know about aspergers and marriage. A reference is also autism a longterm relationship with an adult, who has asperger s syndrome or high functioning autism, can be extremely stressful for the neurologically normal neurotypical, nt partner.